Thoughts of a lonely heart

I want to talk about being single and what happened to me a year ago. It’s tough being an over 40 single with the dating pool is shrinking.

I’ve never tried online dating but I could only imagine if no one was responding to my online presence it would kill my confidence and self-esteem. Furthermore, if I tried to meet someone organically and no one seemed interested it to would kill my confidence and self-esteem.

What happened to me stuck with me for a while. If it wasn’t for writing I would have been an emotional wreck. My pain and sorrows went into my dating diary. I poured my heart into  writing, “Thoughts of a lonely heart.”

What happens if you’re dating someone and you catch feelings in a small amount of time?

That’s what happened to me. I met someone organically and caught feelings. I saw him every Friday at the supermarket. We finally decided to exchange phone numbers and pick a place for a coffee date

We had a couple of phone conversations. The conversations were lopsided but enjoyable. I carried the conversations. It didn’t bother me. The type of job he had, he worked a lot of hours. He didn’t have a lot of life experiences or much of a personal life.

After our coffee date, I didn’t see him for two months. We talked on the phone when he decided to call. When I called him, he wouldn’t answer nor call me back. It wasn’t all the time but it happened more often than it should have.

We would make plans but they got canceled, due to him working or the weather was bad. This all happened during the winter months.

When we finally had our second date, we had a ball. He was such a gentleman. He was so attentive. He made me feel so special.

Our conversations when we had them consisted of him telling me how much he loved being around me. I needed to be taken care of. I deserved to be pampered. I mean he was really pouring it on. He would send me a good morning text every day.

Then what little phone calls I would get stopped. The good morning text he sent every morning stopped. Things weren’t adding up. The red flags were starting to fly.

My feelings were hurt. I really thought I found someone who I could be with on an intimate level. I was so wrong.

I finally sent him a text letting him know saying I think you’re seeing other people. He denied my accusation. I really went off. I couldn’t hold myself back. I found out later he was seeing someone else. I thought I was leaving singlesville but that bus was full.

Every day I kept asking myself, why did I let this happen to me. I’m a good person, why can’t I attract a good man. I had two great men in the past. The relationships ended pleasantly. I said to myself I must be on the wrong frequency.

I couldn’t stop the pain. That’s why I started a dating diary, thoughts of a lonely heart. I had to release the pain. In the diary, I wrote little lines that helped me get through the pain.

It took some time before I got him out of my system. I did it through my writing. which saved me months of heartache. I’ll still never understand how I caught feelings so quickly. I guess he was that good at laying his mack down.

When you’re feeling pain, write. It will help you to heal.

Okay, I know this was a little dismal but that’s life. Life isn’t filled with happiness every day.

So on that note, stay cool, classy and keep on killing it. Never give up. Never look back, You’re never too old. Never be denied.

Make sure to download, Thoughts of a Lonely Heart.

Peace
Kimberly, Xoxo

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2 Comments

  • Kimberly I am truly sorry about the pain you endured. I am happy to know that you were able to release that pain in your writings. Given you the ability to continue to help others. Thank You Kimberly! Happy New Year’s!

    • Thank you so much Mark. It was so easy to write those little sentences and release all that energy. I think I found my true calling, writing.

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